BeingSoda

If you are a dreamer..

Sunday 26 February 2012

Hymn to Isis


For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the arms of my mother
I am barren and my children are many
I am the married woman and the spinster
I am the woman who gives birth and she who never procreated
I am the consolation for the pain of birth
I am the wife and the husband
And it was my man who created me
I am the mother of my father
I am the sister of my husband
And he is my rejected son
Always respect me
For I am the shameful and the magnificent one
discovered in Nag Hammadi, 1947

Saturday 25 February 2012

Resolutions

It's been a long time since I last posted. Last week has been a haze of depression, tiredness, and alcohol.Alright, maybe I made that sound more melodramatic than it actually was was. A lot of the depression was from hormones. Or the lack of them. And the alcohol was just two nights, which were good times with good friends.
But I wasn't kidding about the tired bit. Not so much physically as mentally. Just as I feel like I'm settling, like I'm getting better at dealing with life. I get knocked down again. Usually, it's something minor. I end up taking it to heart and and suddenly, there I am on my knees again. I keep trying, but somehow it''s never enough for myself.
One good thing about the week? I've learnt to face myself. Learnt to understand what I am doing wrong. Got out of my comfort zone. Now comes getting around it.
 I have this tendency to judge myself about everything. I end up being my own worst critic. Imagine if you had a person in your head all the time constantly judging every action you take. Yeah, it sucks. Another problem with being this way is that when I do make mistakes, instead of accepting the mistake, I end up blaming someone else, or denying I made the mistake or trying to push it out of my head. Because if I accept the mistake, I will beat myself up black and blue. Mistakes are made to learn from;and there is no such thing a problem without a gift in its hands. I lose the gift, and make the mistake.
New year's resolution, go easier on myself. Today when I was beating myself up over the fact that I had forgotten to pick up some things I needed today, my best friend told me to calm down. My world wasn't going to fall apart if didn't get everything done in a day. I don't have to be perfect all the time, because it's impossible. People make mistakes. It's only human.And guess what, my world didn't fall apart. I cancelled music lessons, didn't get yelled at, got the rest I really needed, spent some quality time with myself ,caught up with a few old friends and ate chocolate.
My own personal peace of mind should, sometimes, take precedence over everything else.